We got Ethans hair cut yesterday. It was soooo long and it just had to be done. I skipped the child place and just went to Hair Masters. He did not like that, oh no he did not. I ended up holding him the whole time and after it was over, he and I were just covered in hair! She didn't shave any of it (like the last haircut), just trimmed it around the ears, eyes and neck and thinned it out. I think it looks really good.

Yesterday, Jason got a call from one of his Spokane friends. They had come into town for a Cougars game and wanted to go out. So Jason (after working late the night before) trotted out to meet them at about 9:30 or so. He came home at about 1. Of course, cuz I'm a major scaredy cat, I wasn't able to sleep until he got home. We both fell immediately into bed, but were awoken by our little noisy peanut (Gwen) at 5:30. She was talking and laughing to herself, but after a time it turned into fussiness and we had to get up. This woke up Ethan, and so everyone was out of bed by 7.

Jason had to work today as well, so he went off. The kids and I did absolutely nothing of significance. Not a thing. After J got home, we moved in my treadmill (nearly killing ourselves more than a few times. That thing is freaking heavy!) so that I can start working out. I'm very inspired.

Becki stopped by this evening to pick up a game and see the kids real quick.

I made a grilled chicken thing (can't exactly recall the name). The chicken had the back cut out and was flattened, then brined in a saltwater/bay leaf/2 head of garlic smashed concoction. I then took it out and rubbed a garlic-pepper oil (olive oil, red pepper flakes, black pepper and garlic) under the skin and grilled it. After it was done, you carve the chicken and put a bit more of the oil over the top. Its very spicy, and the oil under the skin while its cooking give it a super crisp skin. We had it with roasted balsamic asparagus.

Has anyone watched the new Martha Stewart show? I think its pretty darn good! One would think that Martha would be dreadful on a live talk show, but she's surprisingly watchable. She makes great fun of her prison time, which makes her seem like less of a snob. I had to admit that I could not stop laughing when 'Diddy' was there teaching her how to rap. She had not one bit of 'soul' or 'funk' in her. When she rapped it sounded like she was reciting Shakespeare in a retirement home!

Ethan and I went to his 18 month checkup up today. Here are his stats:

Height: 34.5 in (95%)
Weight: 26lbs, 6 oz (55%)

All was well! Pediatrician was thrilled that she'd never seen him for illness or any reason other than well-child visits :) Yay for healthy kids!

After the appointment, I came home and picked up Gwen (thanks for babysitting Grammy!) and headed out to Mom's for dinner and to welcome home Aunt Margaret.

We had a good time. Aunt Margaret has a new, adorable little puppy named Kimchi (I don't know if I'm spelling that right) and Ethan was enthralled!

Right before we left, Mom took Ethan out to pick blackberries and gave me a few to feed him on the way home. He ate them, then promptly fell asleep. He was so dead tired that even after I got him out of the car, carried him in and sat him on the couch so I could retrieve Gwen, he still did not wake. Check it out for yourself


Jason is working late tonight, which means I'm home alone and, of course, totally freaked out about every noise. I hate being home alone at night. Luckily Jason just IM'd and said he'd be leaving soon.

Today I worked my tooshie off. Grammy is coming by tomorrow to watch Gwen while I take Ethan to the doctor and it was the kick in the pants I needed to clean up a bit. I worked all day and the house is now in acceptable, though not perfect, condition. I'm kinda cheating because all my laundry is in my bedroom, but at least its out of sight. I replaced our toilet seat (which, thanks to Ethan, had broken). It was much more challenging than it would seem because the screws used to hold it on were this soft plastic and when I was undoing them they were actually changing shape. I did manage to complete the task, albeit with proclamations about where this toilet should take itself!

I had great plans for dinner, but due to some last minute fussiness, I was unable to act on them and Jason and Ethan had frozen pot pies for dinner and I had some bread and cheese.

As you know, Gwen has been suffering extreme fussiness of late. I was beginning to think that I may have to drop dairy from my diet (eep!) but decided to stop taking my multi-vitamin to see if that made a difference. Well, so far it has! Hopefully our luck holds. She still has bad moments, but its totally normal stuff and not the all out scream fests.

I got some adorable pics of Ethan and Gwen today....





Yes, he's kissing her toes in that last one!

Tomorrow is Ethans 18 mo appt. As always, it should be interesting to see how he's grown. Luckily, no shots this time!

Our new pics are up, finally! I'm working on an entirely new website, but it will be a long time before its up because I'm a complete dunce when it comes to web design and things like that.

Today I dropped the kids off at Mom's and went grocery shopping. It was good to get away, but it didn't help the depression too much. I hope I can shake it soon.

A lady on my message boards posted about her scoliosis and we started talking. Turns out she had the Harrington rods put in like I did, but get this... she had them removed! They took them out, replaced them with a more modern version and she's much improved. If I recall, we were told when I had them done that they could not ever be removed. I did some research and indeed, it appears that many people have had them removed, or they broke. They broke! One guy was talking about how the rods slipped out and ended up around his pelvic bone while the screws were up around his neck. Frightening! Now I'm thinking that perhaps I should have my back checked out just for good measure. I haven't seen anyone about my back since my post-surgery stuff. Just another medical bill waiting to happen, eh? Would my dear Jason have married me if he knew how expensive I was?

Ethan has developed a penchant for Gwennies toys.

Check this out:







































In that jumpy thing, that was on the highest setting and he was so big for it when he pulled up his feet he was practically on the floor. It looked like a little tutu on him!

What you see in that jumpy picture as well is his new smile. He bares his teeth and closes his eyes. Where he picked this up I do not know but its pretty cute/scary looking.

Ugh. Why can I not snap out of this dreadful state I'm in? I'm back to no patience, short with the kids, and a general feeling of life sucking. I even told Jason today that I wanted to look for part-time work. I can't stand being in the house all day, or dealing with the kids all day. Just no more patience to deal with the little things. They aren't being bad kids, I'm just being an incapable Mommy. When I try to find a reason for it, I can't really pin it down. If its not one reason (lack of sleep) its another (Gwen being fussy all the time) or another (my messy house). I feel like I'm constantly hitting my head against a wall.

On a different subject, I've gone soap-free on the kids. Both of them have been suffering very dry skin... and it was made even worse by the trip to Chelan. The air in E. Wa is very dry, and their skin got rough and scaly. So, I'm trying a new trick I heard about where you don't use soap. I just scrub them with a washcloth and rinse very well with the detachable showerhead. I'm only washing their hair once a week. So far, so good. They smell clean, they look clean, and their skin is so much softer. Its great.

Thats all I have to say tonight. Sorry its not more interesting.

Oh, we've been having issues with the photo albums. One of these days we'll have pics

Stressful day. Extremely tired. Not much to say. We slightly revamped the site and pics should be up by late tonight.

Well last night did not go well. Gwen woke up at 12 and wouldn't go back to sleep until 2. Let me tell you, I'm a complete monster when I go without sleep.

Tonight we're using her pack 'n play instead of having her in bed with us, because we think maybe we're all waking each other up at night. She's extremely active, so maybe she just needs her own space.

We went out to Mom's today to pick up the stuff they took home from Chelan for us, and also to have a mini belated b-day party for me. We had Pancit, an asian dish of rice, chicken, and veggies. Twas nummy. We had brownies for dessert. Grammy and Grandpa stopped by and so we were able to visit and such. Ethan picked up a slug. It was gross!

Ethan has been hugely affectionate with Gwen lately. Even tonight at my Mom's house, he grabbed her and hugged and kissed her. This is so unlike his normal attitude which is, "Get her away from me!". Its good to see that they actually are liking each other now.

Tomorrow my treadmill comes in and my hardcore workout routine starts. I'm doing it every day, even if it means my house doesn't' get clean. I'm almost back to my post-Ethan, pre-Gwen size, but by Christmas I want to be back to where I was before kids and even more.

Jason assures me, pics tomorrow!

Did nothing today. Really. I'm still in the clothes I woke up in :) Got a smidge of housework done, but pretty much moped around and felt sorry for myself.

The bright spot of my day was hearing from a very old friend of mine who lives in New Orleans. We hadn't talked in a long time, and I wasn't even sure if he still lived there, so I had been wondering if he was ok, and I was glad to hear he was. Unfortunately, he lost everything but the 6 pairs of clothes he had with him. This amount of loss and devastation is so hard to imagine. How do people recover? Do they ever fully get over this type of trauma?

I thought 9/11 was perhaps the worst thing I'd ever see in my lifetime, and, because it was a terrorist attack, maybe it was in a way. But there is something much worse about this natural disaster... it was not preventable... it wreaked such havoc on so many and that makes it much worse in my mind. A whole city was destroyed. A beautiful city, with so much history and great food and music.

Today I recalled that I have not yet finished knitting Gwennies baby blanket. Its about 3/4 of the way done, and I need to finish it up. Ethan is now very attached to his blanket and about 4 times a day pulls it, along with his bear, out of his crib into the living room to snuggle with it.

Jason is nearly done with doing the pics. Hopefully they'll be completely up by tomorrow.

Have I felt worse and more down than I have today? Perhaps, but if so I do not remember it. My children... I love them to bits, but today I thought more than once that I should wish to be childless again! The constant fit throwing by Ethan. Gwen's infernal fussiness. At one point I'm in the rocking chair, rocking frantically trying to get Gwen to calm down and I'm so numb and worn out that I feel like I'm dead.

Anywhoo, on a lighter note (kinda), I went to the neurologist today. Despite the doctor being very skeptical of my decision to let Gwen self wean off breastfeeding, whenever that may be (Dr. only breastfed 10 mo and she feels that's the best way *roll eyes*), she gave me quite a bit of good information.

Since I'm breastfeeding, I cannot take the daily meds that she wants me to take. However, once I stop breastfeeding, she wants me to go on either Zonegran or Topomax for prevention of headaches. Which one will depend on the results of my MRI. The reason that she wants me to have an MRI is because she believes I may have 'scratches' on my temporal lobe from my sleepwalking incident back in 2003. My headaches have gotten worse and I started having auras and confusion after that incident. These 'scratches' can cause these types of symptoms. Its not a serious issue, but if these scratches are present, she wants me on a medication that will help me with those 'short circuits' and headaches.

I'm now officially diagnosed with Migraine... specifically Classic-type migraines. She feels that the speech issue I had back in August was a rare occurrence, though it could happen again. That my auras and this speech problem only last a few minutes are good signs. That means that its not serious. If it were mini-stroke or something, it would last longer, and be accompanied by paralysis.

So, in the meantime, until I stop breastfeeding, I will continue taking my Labetalol, and also take one baby aspirin a day to slightly thin my blood. Both these are minor preventives. I was given 3 samples of migraine meds to try. Axcert, Relpax, Maxalt. All are considered fairly safe to use while breastfeeding.

I know it sounds dorky, but I'm excited to try these drugs out because as long as I have something to kill the headaches, I don't worry to much about prevention. I'd much rather breastfeed Gwen and take occasional drugs to kill headaches then stop breastfeeding so I can take a daily drug to prevent. Does that make sense?

Anyway, I've just about exhausted my available brain power. I'm sooooo tired (oh, did I mention that both kids were awake all through the night last night?) .

Oh, one more thing. Gwen rolled over today. I had her sleeping on her tummy on the couch. She started making noises and moving around and next thing I know she's on her back with her feet in her mouth. Wow! Thats my girl :)

Gentle readers, we have returned.

I'm still trying to decide if the trip's high points make up for its many low points.

The children were as poorly behaved as I feared they would be. Ethan, while having a rollicking good time, would not sleep through the night. About halfway through he'd stand up in his bed and start calling for us. The first 3 nights, we fought him and fought him (read: screaming, crying, swats on the butt and major fit throwing). It was not that he was scared, but that he was overtired. I would tell him to lay down and he would start giggling hysterically. Or, he would actually yell at me and throw everything out of his playpen. It was appalling actually :) He eventually would end up in our bed. By the 4 and 5th nights, Jason and I were sleeping in separate areas, Gwen with me, Ethan with J. Those were the only two nights when either of us got decent sleep. Gwen was a doll at night (sleeping through the night all nights), but her bad time was during the day when she fussed continually, even when I was holding her. A few times she fell into all out screaming fits and was inconsolable. We nearly left the second day out of frustration.

Now, all that said, we did have some high points. We went swimming, played lots of Yatzee Texas Hold 'Em (pretty fun) and just enjoyed the scenery. Both Ethan and Gwen seemed to grow up a bit. Gwen is now holding onto her toes, nearly turning over and can drink out of a sippy! Ethan learned how to open screen doors and walk up and down steps. The independence he gained on this trip was amazing. He'd come in and out of the house at will, and ventured all over the property, throwing rocks, sticks, playing in sprinklers, etc. He showed some of his temper too when we had to restrain him. His favorite trick when punished, would be to scream, grab a fistful of dirt and pine needles and throw it in his face. This was pretty darn funny, but we tried our hardest to look stern, or just ignore it completely. He threw enough of these fits to be walking around most the day with a dirty face!

My family was amazing and helped out tremendously with the kids. Without them we would have certainly left immediately. They were dolls, even though our children's fits bothered them quite a bit (though they hesitated to admit that!).

We had some excitement on Sunday when my Aunt Daralyn, Uncle Greg, Lindy and Tim showed up. We were able to find out lots of information about my cousin Josh, his wife Amber and their small son Kadin, who were in Biloxi at the time of the hurricane. Their car survived, but their apartment fared badly. They were able to move out to Alabama though and are currently staying there until the Airforce decides what to do with them. What a frightening and horrible experience they've been through! There is a fund set up through USBank for them, as their financial outlook is uncertain. You can donate at any USBank, and the fund name is "Josh & Amber Hollenbeck Hurricane Acct."

unfortunately, they could only stay for the day since my aunts dog was due to give birth any time. The lake had been choppy when they arrived, but it was downright rough when it was time for them to leave. For about an hour, we were uncertain that they'd even be able to leave. My grandparents were also slated to leave that day. Finally, my Dad decided to give it a shot and my aunt, uncle, cousin and her husband got in. My grandparents were going to be in a second trip, depending on how the lake was.

It was a very wet and bumpy ride on the way out and my Dad had to go slow on the way in and on the way back. He radioed in that he needed help to dock and we all ran out to see how he fared on the trip. He came into the dock fast and Becki and Aaron leaned over to ease the boat in. We could see immediately that he was not well. He was hunched over and tense. I had this sudden panic that he might be having a heart attack or something. He leaned over the side of the boat and threw up... He was very seasick. I can't say I've ever seen my Dad seasick, but he really was. My Mom ran out with some water and paper towels and I took Jenni inside as she was really upset about seeing Dad not well. He was so sick that he laid on the dock for a long time before he felt well enough to stand up and walk inside.

Turns out that when he had dropped off everyone, he had crawled into the bow of the boat to try and fix the running lights. The waves were very rough even at the dock and he'd gotten badly sick from being jostled about. He then came home over the rough water and that just made it worse. Needless to say, my Grandparents didn't go home that night :) In fact, my Dad was still under the weather enough that the next day Michael ran the trips to take people back.

The trip seemed so short and I was sorry that it was over, but also glad because it was really hard with the kids. We got home at about 3:30 on Tuesday. I took measurements of some of the windows at Chelan and want to bring over some new curtain rods and curtains. Mom and I also have a few other improvements that we want to make (after we get permission of course!) on our next trip. We're hoping for maybe a spring trip next year. The kids would be old enough to leave with my Mom, and maybe we could take Dad and the kids and whoever else and try to rebuild the dock and do some other projects. I do not know if we will go next year with the kids. Having two little ones over there would be double the work of this time. I do not know if I'm strong enough to handle that.

I forgot that Jason is home all this week. Tomorrow I have my long awaited trip to the neurologist to have my consultation. It should be interesting.

I've given Jason the task of putting up all our pics this week so you can see Chelan pics, as well as all the others we've taken of late.

Last night, after getting home, unpacking, starting laundry and dealing with an inconsolable Gwen (who eventually fell asleep), I didn't want to go to sleep because I dreaded waking up the next morning and dealing again with kids. Just feeling really burned out right now. I need a vacation I guess :)