Jason said my blogs are so depressing so I will try to be more upbeat today. Actually, today was better than the last couple days. Kids napped, and there were no toddler fits or nasty notes.

Today has been the hottest day yet, though our house seems to be staying a wee bit cooler thanks to a new system I'm trying out. During the morning and early afternoon I leave the back bedrooms open and their fans going full blast (along with my kitchen and living room fans). This gets a lot of cool air into the house early... In fact, we're usually FREEZING in the mornings. When the sun moves to the other side of the house, I close up Ethans room and the office, but keep our bedroom open (since it faces North). This seems to block out a lot of the warmer air, while still drawing in cooler air from the North side. Its still hot, but not unbearably so.

I spent a lot of time reading and doing a little housework today. I'm reading a book called, 'How to Cook a Wolf' by MFK Fisher. It was written just before WW2 and goes into a lot of information about food rationing, etc. Wolf, in her book, refers to starvation and hunger. Its really interesting to hear her tell stories of how 'a man I knew lived on 7 cents a day for a year by eating nothing but whole wheat gruel and stealing fruit every morning from the chinamans cart parked outside his apartment'.

Speaking of food, we had another good dinner. I had some of that delightful spicy peanut dipping sauce from last night leftover. So, I took 3 chicken breasts, sliced them about 1/2 in thick, and marinated them in some soy sauce, rice vinegar, chile-garlic paste, garlic, peanut oil and brown sugar for about 30 min. I threaded them on skewers, then grilled. They were done in flash, and in fact I overcooked them because I wasn't paying attention, but they were still excellent. We had grilled zucchini, yellow bell pepper and onions on the side. Another very filling, but extremely healthy meal. This has to be the most nights in a row I've ever grilled. It keeps the kitchen cool and fairly clean! However, I do end up feeling a little cooked myself between the heat of the grill and the scorching sun setting right in front of me. Yowch!

I've taken a few cute pics of Gwen over the past two days. Thought I'd share:


I'm going to engage in gratuitous Mommy bragging and say gosh-darnit, my kids are the cutest kids I've ever seen!

Well, with me watching my meals and making an effort to get more walking, I'm happy to say I've lost 5 lbs... but that's it. No movement on scale since those were lost. I just know I need to be more active, but when? Must I be forced to spend the little free time I get to exercise? If only I had a free room to put my treadmill in, so I could watch TV and use it. I won't bring that monstrosity back into the house if it has to be in my living room tho.

So I was checking the stats on my blog the other day and wow, I have a lot of visitors :) I did find one thing peculiar... A number of you dear readers are apparently coming to my blog from a 'CamGirls' site... Now, I went to this site and, uh, how shall we say... Its not a site catering to blogs about being a Mommy and what that Mommy had for dinner. I have no idea why my blog is linked from that page. Bizzare huh?

Ugh. I know I sound like such a complainer, but today was so depressing.

Like yesterday, it started off ok, until I tried to lay Ethan down for a nap. He screamed and screamed and screamed, so I got him up and tried laying him down 45 min later. This time he fell asleep, but my nerves were already frayed.

Gwen is in a growing spurt. She's eating every 2 hours or less (except at night, thank goodness) and does not want to be put down. She's barely napping either.

Ethan woke up and fed his entire lunch to the dogs. So irritating. He thought it hysterically funny to throw it as far as he could and see the dogs scamper away for it. After lunch, he didn't really want to play or do much, so I put him on the couch (Gwen too) and raced around trying to get the house clean. I managed to sweep, vacuum, take apart the vacuum to replace the belt (and clean out the dirt build up), have the belt break (wrong size, oops), replace the old belt and vacuum again to pick up the dust that I had removed, and then mop. It was kinda funny to watch Ethan running around one the wet floors because his feet just slid everywhere.

I put Ethan down for his second nap kinda late (4:30) , but much to my dismay, he woke up at 5:00. At this point, Gwen is still nursing like ALL the time and I'm tired and I just wanted to sit down and read but I couldn't. Totally felt like I was going to lose it. Its so frustrating to get no real peaceful time. If both the kids are sleeping, then I have to prep for dinner or clean. If one of them is sleeping, I have to tend to the other. Relentless.

For dinner we had grilled chicken wings. I'm beginning to be a huge fan of those things. They are cheap, quick to defrost and cook and there are tons of different ways to use them. I brined these for 30 min, then grilled. Made a spicy peanut dipping sauce that had peanut butter, ginger, garlic, fish sauce, coconut milk, red pepper flakes and honey all pureed up in a blender. 'Twas very good. Ethan loved it! Grilled up some zucchini as well.

I had a craving for apricots, so I spent a few minutes searching out a recipe for an apricot tart, using the dried apricots and frozen puff pastry I had. Well, I couldn't find any specifically for what I wanted, so I made something up. I took a good number of dried apricots, boiled them in water until soft, drained them, then boiled the apricot water down to a glaze. Roughly chopped up the apricots, spread over the puff pastry, covered with the apricot glaze and sprinkled some 'Sugar In the Raw' over the top. Had a minor problem with the puff pastry. It was chilling in the fridge and somehow a ramekin of coffee turned over and ruined half of it. It made me cry.

Anyway, I cut off the coffee covered part and its cooking now. Smells great. I can already see where I messed up though. I should have at least partially precooked the pastry because its going to be soggy on the bottom. I have it on my pizza stone and cranked up the oven, so we'll see if that fixes it.

Well, I got my 5 min of freedom. Gwen is already crying so I'm off.

Today sucked. No two ways about it.

It started ok. I had killed my battery the night before by leaving my lights on, so Jason had to jump me this morning. Then, we noticed that my newly planted azalea by the side of the driveway had been hacked to death. I had noticed a neighbor child the previous day with a big stick walking up and down the street. Some leaves were missing from my bush, and I figured it was just childish mischief and he'd gotten it out of his system. Apparently not, and my poor plant met a violent death. The root ball is still in the ground, but I don't know if it will make it.

Mom came over on her way back from Costco, cleaned the house while I got the kids ready, then we headed down to the library (7 books checked out, all for me... muahhhhahahah), then out to walk. Despite the heat and increasingly fussy babies we managed to do our two miles.

I get home and notice a piece of paper on the front door. A stab of panic hits me right in the gut. That cannot be good. I pack in the kids, put Ethan down to bed, then get the note. It was typewritten, and, to paraphrase, 'Your dogs bark all day, every day. They also bark all night, starting at 9pm. In the interest of neighborhood harmony, please resolve the issue'. It was unsigned.

I was furious.

Firstly, my dogs don't bark all day. They are inside the house with me. Secondly, they most certainly do not bark all night. They are inside the house, with us. I hate barking dogs, and I try to keep it to a minimum. So, not only does this person leave me a nasty note, but what they're complaining about isn't even me (there are dogs that bark all the time a few houses away), AND they don't leave me a way to correct their grievous error. I do leave the dogs in the house when I go out, and Tilli in the kennel. Tilli does bark while she's in the kennel and we're not home, but its certainly not 'all day, every day'. Heaven knows I barely leave the house.

I want to move. I HATE this neighborhood. I have a number of explicative that just want to rage out about this. Seriously, this makes me so mad and angry. I told Jason that if I had to work part-time or work at home to get away from this stupid neighborhood I would. I just hate it so much.

So after dealing with that, I tried to calm down and relax before having to worry about dinner. Poor Gwennie, for reasons I do not know, did not want to sleep or be put down. I managed a quick shower, but after that I had to hold her the entire evening. I managed to get dinner prepped before J got home by putting her down, running around like crazy, then picking her up before she got too wound up. It was too hot for my pouch unfortunately.

Jason came home stressed out about the stupid note and some work related stuff and we basically snipped at each other until dinner was ready. Ethan was running around screaming randomly for no reason than wanting to hear himself and I think Jason and I both felt like running out the door.

Luckily, dinner was good. It was shrimp that I brined for 20 min (to help them stay juicy), then tossed in a garlic paste consisting of garlic, salt, cayenne, paprika, olive oil and lemon juice. They sat for about 30 min, then I threaded them onto skewers and grilled them. Only took about 3 min per side. The only downside was that their shells were on (they grill much better that way) so it took some work to eat. I made a Asian salad of cabbage, grated carrot, sesame seeds, cilantro, rice vinegar and sesame oil. The whole thing was extremely healthy and delish. Even Ethan liked his first taste of shellfish and gobbled down the shrimp and salad.

I'm so tired and worn out right now. Just feel like bawling my eyes out. Days like these wear on me and make me think back to how simple life was before I had kids, and even before I had a husband. Its not that I regret my decisions, but sometimes I wonder what would I be doing now? Where would life have taken me? Truly, I do not think I would have done things all that differently, but some days you just want to escape from the moment and ponder the different paths you may have followed.

Lordy, it was HOT today. I escaped the house at about noon to get Ethan new tennies and to pick up some groceries. We ended up getting him some really cute Nemo shoes. The fishies light up when he walks. Man, when he saw those he did not want any other shoe!

Here are a few pics:

Ok, he is not picking his nose! I just happened to catch his finger at the wrong place at the wrong time! I love this pic because its just *so* Ethan lately. That look...


































After the shoes we went to Fred Meyer. I wanted some salmon steaks, and I thought it would be no problem to get them since I see them all the time. Well, they didn't have any, but if I wanted to buy a whole salmon, they'd be happy to cut it into steaks for me. Sorry, but if I wanted a whole salmon, I'd just ask my Dad!

I asked Jason to look for salmon steaks at Safeway on his way home, but THEY did not have any either! Jason, bless his heart, headed down to Central Market because they usually will have whatever the other stores don't. Amazingly, they also did not have salmon steaks Why not? I'm so confused about this. I was quite deflated when he told me this, so I asked him to get one of the gourmet sammiches that are at Central Market cuz I had lost my will to cook. I got a muffuletta sandwich (many kinds of meat, olives, vinaigrette, cheese) and Jason got an Italian Grinder. They have some GREAT sandwiches there. Generally my favorite is the NY steak and blue cheese one, but I felt like something different. Ethan was still asleep when J got home, so we got to eat in peace, then when he woke up he had a GoGurt (yogurt in a tube), 2 clementines and some potato chips.

I've put two new videos up... Be warned... One of them is of Ethan peeing in the tub. He can go potty when we ask him now. So, if you don't want to see a boy peeing, don't watch that one :)

Gwendolyn has, out of nowhere, developed massive upper body strength. I had just been getting a wee bit concerned because I didn't think she was holding her head up very well when BAM! she's doing it like a champ. In fact, today she was 'inchworming' a bit... something Ethan didn't do until he was much much older. She can lift her entire chest off the floor now and will push up with her feet and lift her lower half off the ground too.

Here's a pic I took of her today:














Today my breastpump finally came! Yay! I bought it off Ebay at a steller price. It was supposed to be here on Friday, but FedEx messed up and it ended up in Burlington somehow. It came today and its electric and although its noisy, I expect it to work quite well. Now, lets just hope she'll want to take a bottle :)

Yesterday we went to the Mariners game and had a great time. Shelly came at 4 to watch Ethan, and we went to Jasons work first, so he could switch out some hard-drives. From there, we cruised down I-90 and into the stadium with an hour to spare. Because we knew we'd be leaving early (and we had Gwen), we parked in the garage right across the street instead of some far-flung lot a mile away.

We grabbed some food inside Safeco (J had Korean BBQ beef, and I stir-fry noodles. 'Twas edible, but not great). We found our seats, which were quite good. Right behind home plate, 30 rows back. We sat next to two old guys, who thought Gwen was the cutest thing. She really flirted with them too... She'd tilt her head down then gaze up at them through her long eyelashes. She learned from her Mommy already ;)

I nursed once, before the game started, with no incident. However, after the game started and the older guys came, we were rather squished and there was no way, even if I hadn't wanted to retain a semblance of modesty, that I could nurse! So, I headed off to the family restroom, which had a "chair for nursing". Well, this restroom was disgusting, but indeed, it had a chair for nursing! When I first got there, the bathroom was occupied. I waited outside, and lady and her son came in line behind me. I couldn't hardly stop staring at this boy. He looked EXACTLY like Ethan, but about 6 years older. He had the same hair, the same large eyes, and the little bow shaped mouth. It was unreal.

Anyway, I nurse, and walk out the door to go back to our seats. As soon as I come out of the door I hear someone yell, 'Kristi!!!'. I turn around and there, to my amazement are two ladies I used to work with at Infopop... Jenny and Natalia. It was sooooo good to see them. I hadn't seen Jenny since October, and Natalia waaaay before that, since she had left to study in Spain 2(?) years ago. Natalia had her Spanish boyfriend with her, who seemed quite nice. They oohed and ahhhed over Gwen and even took pictures of us :) It really was so great to see them. They had been strolling around the lower level and Jenny just happened to see me out of the corner of her eye. Good times.

We left at the 8th inning and were able to get out of the parking garage and back home without a bit of traffic. The M's ended up winning too!

Today we got to sleep in (yesterday Ethan awoke at 6) a bit. We had biscuits and gravy for breakfast (J and E's fav!). Its a heavy breakfast, so it kinda slowed us down... I did manage to haul myself outside and weedwhack and mow the front lawn. Our backyard has returned to jungle status, so Jason will try and tackle that tomorrow (it needs at least two days to dry out after a rain because its so long). For lunch we had egg salad sandwiches. Ethan still wouldn't eat it, or some pickles, so... I had to give him a large dish of broccoli. He just loves that stuff, and I love that he loves it. For dinner I made an interesting dish called BLT Bowties. It had bow-tie pasta, tossed with canned tomatoes, green onions, bacon, basil and arugula (but I used spinach cuz J doesn't like arugula). It was quite good actually.

I've been having trouble sleeping at night. About every other night I have to take a Tylenol PM to help me sleep. I just cannot stop thinking 'scary' things. Someone breaking in, someone hurting us, etc. Don't even like having the back door open when I can't see it because I'm afraid that someone will jump the fence, get past the dogs and into the house without me knowing. I've always had these fears, but they have gotten worse and worse over the past year or so. For instance, last night, after we were in bed, Jason's cell rang. This was at 11pm so it surprised us. He couldn't find the phone in time, but the person didn't leave a message. Ok, no big deal, probably wrong number... But then, about 30 min later, our home phone rings but no message left. So this freaks me out. We haven't gotten a call after 9pm in like years, and yet we get two (with no message left, from people we don't know) in one night? It could be completely coincidental, but it terrified me so completely that I was nearly shaking. Poor Jason was quite irritated I must say :)

Today Jasons half-sister, Nicole, dropped by for a visit. She was on her way up to Bellingham to see her bf, and stopped off here for a few hours. Good to see her!

I had a bunch of blueberries I had bought from Costco and since they really wouldn't last another day, I made them into a delicious cobbler with a cookie dough type topping. I must have used too many berries, since it overflowed generously. Luckily, I had placed the pan on a cookie sheet, so my oven was saved. I'm still confused by this, perhaps someone can enlighten me. Is a pint of blueberries measured by volume (i.e. cups) or weight? The reason I ask is that my recipe called for 3 pints of blueberries fresh, or, 36 oz frozen. Well, I had 2.75 lbs of fresh blueberries. I assumed that they were measured by volume, so I measured out 6 cups of blueberries, which used up the entire container. However, the pan was very full, and overflowed, so it seems as if I used too many? Why would they give ounces for frozen, but pints for fresh? Gah!

We had a delightful dinner. A dinner that is perhaps my most favorite thing to eat. Sun-dried tomato risotto. Rice, sauteed in oil with onions and garlic. Throw in some chopped sun dried tomatoes. Add wine, simmer till wine is absorbed. Add broth, 1/2 cup at a time, until rice has absorbed most the liquid after every addition. Near the end, add a bit more wine. Rice will be creamy and rich. Add a generous amount of grated parm. You are left with perhaps one of the most delicious things on earth. Soft rice, al dente in the middle, bathed in a ethereal sauce that is brothy, winey, crazy good. The Italian cook who created this dish is brilliant.

Tomorrow we will be attending a Mariners game. Shelly will be babysitting Ethan, Gwen will be with us. I'm looking forward to the game because Safeco is such a wonderful place and even if the Mariners suck (which, chances are they will) you still have a good time. However, I am worried how Gwen will do. Cross your fingers!

Too exhausted to write much. Traveled up to Lynden to A. Mary's house to go through Great-Grandma Hazels stuff. I got a few things, my Mom got tons :) It was good to see everyone. Jennifers baby, Micah, is two weeks younger than Gwen, but (like most babies!) he dwarfs my little petite Gwennie Pooh. Funnily enough, Gwen was born on his due date, and he was born one day short of hers... She two weeks early, him two weeks late.

The drive up and down was tough. Its a long ways for kids to sit still, and it was not helped by my Mom not having air conditioning :)

Off to bed. Maybe I'll read, but I doubt I could keep my eyes open!

So yesterday Mom came over and I went to Costco. Of course, as one is prone to do at Costco, I spent too much money. After returning home, we unloaded, then went on a walk around a very long block (about a mile or so). Lots of exercise.

We had homemade chicken noodle for dinner, and I indulged in two pieces of my pineapple upside down cake. It is soooo good, even 2nd, 3rd, 4th day after. I should have only had one piece, but I was ravenous and I figured my body must have needed, right? Right :p

Today, we didn't do much. Puttered around the house, swept, vacuumed, etc. Walked to get the mail. Had grilled flank steak tacos for dinner. Num.

Gwennie has started giggling now and then. Its pretty cute. She has to be in a fabulously good mood, and wound up to do it, but when she does it its a darling little squeak!

I've been working with Ethan to do somersaults. So far no luck. He likes me flipping him over, but he now thinks it funnier to be really stiff so I can't bend him over to put his hands on the floor and curl his head under. He giggles wildly when I try to make him bend. Toddlers find the strangest things funny!

Tomorrow we're leaving the house early to go to Mom's and carpool up with her to A. Mary's in Lynden. We are going to be able to pick some things out of Great Grandma Hazels belongings for memories, then help A. Mary mark the rest for a garage sale this weekend. Hopefully the kids will behave on the 2 hour drive up.

Here's some cute pics of Gwennie the Pooh in her new hat!

I think I say I'm exhausted in nearly every blog entry. Not being one to break a habit easily... I'M SOOOOO TIRED! Truthfully, I am though.

Gwen and I woke up at about 6. I fed her, but was still dead tired so tried to go back to sleep. She wouldn't have it, but I wasn't ready to get up, so I ended up laying her on top of me and that did the trick. Next thing I know its 9am! I've realized that sleeping in this late does nothing but throw off your groove for the rest of the day. By the time we got our breakfast done it was like 10:30 and I didn't even get my coffee until after 12! I managed to get a shower in, sweep, make a pineapple upside down cake (which was very good) but nothing else. When Jason got home I decided to blow my 3rd day of dieting and go to King Charley's off HWY 9. They just have the BEST burgers. So good. We stopped at the library too and this time I managed not to make a fool of myself, or take 20 min to check out :)

I started one of the new books already... Its called, 'Being Dead is No Excuse: The official Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral'. Yes, strange, but quite funny. Its about the Southern culture surrounding death, funerals and the food that goes along with them.

Tomorrow Mom is coming out here to go walking, then will watch the kids while I run to Costco to get some doggie food and return Jason's monitor. Have I mentioned recently what a blessing my family is? How incredibly grateful we are that they willingly watch our kids and dogs whenever we ask AND do nice things like clean our house or burn our crap? We owe them big time for all that they do for us.

I decided to cancel the research study for Gwen this week. Frankly, I'm too mentally wore out right now and since there isn't any huge financial incentive to go, why bother, unless I'm really up for it? I do want to do it, so next time they call I'll go, but just too weary right now.

My computer time has skyrocketed lately. I am now moderator of the breastfeeding forum on the message board I visit and while there is really nothing for me to moderate (everyone is so polite!) its made me visit the boards WAY too much and it just eats up my time like crazy. I'm having to actually resist visiting any of my websites until Ethans first nap just so I can get stuff done.

Soooo tired. Last night I couldn't get to sleep at all, till about 3:30. I had even taken a Percoset to deal with headache and back pain and still couldn't get to sleep. Jason was sweet and let me sleep in late, but in the end, I think it just made things worse because our entire day was thrown off. We didn't finish eating breakfast until nearly 11, and we just never got fully in gear. I'm in the same clothes I woke up in!

Yesterday we didn't do much either. Stuck around the house, cleaned up a bit, went out and got a few groceries and got Ethan a potty chair. The potty chair is going back though because the opening is much to small, even for Ethans tiny hiney.

We decided to go camping at the church campout, and to stay in the group camping area instead of our own site. We figure it will be more fun for Ethan, and easier for us too :) I'm both nervous and excited about doing this.

I've been doing well with eating better and smaller portions. Its hard, because I usually go to bed super hungry (guess I'm used to all that late night snacking!). I also set the Tivo to record some aerobic shows to see how those go and if my slow moving self can keep up with them :)

Very sleepy, so will sign off for now. Oh, here's a pic I took this evening of the kids. One day I will be able to get a cute pic of them actually sitting WITH each other, but as of now, sitting CLOSE to each other is pretty good!