Get ready for another thrilling and adventurous blog from Kristi....

Or not ;)

Did all the usual things today. Weather was pleasant so the kids and I played outside for a bit, then went for our walk. I switched things up by putting Ethan in the back of the stroller instead of the front and surprisingly it seemed much harder to push with the weight distribution different. I feel so sore now!

I made some no-bake oatmeal cookies under the premise of increasing my milk supply (oatmeal is good for that) but really, I just wanted cookies.

We had a very... unique dinner called something like "Sausage with Rice and Lentils" and while it was edible, it was not great. That's what frustrates me a lot about the AllRecipes.com site. Its all user submitted and not tested. I mean, I KNEW that lentils and rice couldn't possibly be done at the same time, yet I followed the recipe thinking that perhaps the person who did this included some secret that would make it work. Nope. At 40 min, the rice was mush and the lentils had a slight crunch. Not ideal. Oh well.

Aaron is coming tomorrow to do some work so that will be nice. I'm going to have him remove the mold off the side of the house, remove the graffiti off the fence and scoop. That should be enough for more than a few hours! He's a good worker and a great kid :)

I'm struggling a lot with my internal emotions and shtuff.

I would like to have friends again. Sort of feels that since the kids I've been in a self-imposed bubble, and perhaps that was necessary to just deal with what was going on. But I really would like someone to talk with and such. However, when opportunities present themselves (there are many ladies who live close to me that I know from my message boards) I hesitate because, honestly, I'm not sure I'm up to putting out that effort to create and maintain a friendship.

This is mainly why I miss working. I was great friends with my co-workers and it was easy... You saw them every day by default. You didn't have to try and work time with them in between naps and loads of laundry. They were there and if you were all friendly, you had friends.

I also don't feel very genuine. I know that most everyone has shell they present to the world while keeping their true self inside and only available to a few, or no one at all. I feel like I have many shells. Daughter, sister, wife, mother, and... me. Parts of me are in those other shells, but none of them are fully me. Does that make sense? Many times I wonder at how little people really know about me. Perhaps that is a good and fine thing because my "real" me isn't very pretty. She's selfish and petty and kinda mean actually. So I end up feeling frustrated because of this pressure to be a certain way, and yet I don't really want to be the way I truly feel because it definitely wouldn't go over well.

Oh heavens, I really sound crazy don't I? Better stop while I'm ahead.