Wednesday, October 22, 2008


Frazzled. It sounds almost glamorous... liked dazzled. However, its not glamorous at all, oh no.

It does describe how I've felt all this week though. Monday night Elsa was up all night fussing. Nothing calmed her down. NOTHING. She would fall asleep, but if I stopped rocking or put her down, she'd wake up and scream. Eventually she zonked out at 4:30am while latched onto the boob and positioned uncomfortably on my arm, so you can imagine how restfully I slept. Then last night she did it AGAIN. However, this time we were more proactive and tried different things. I tried her bouncer. Worked for 10 minutes. Then I tried her gas drops. Nope. Her colic tablets. Nope. Ok, we're getting desperate and its 1am already. I go downstairs and get a bag of breast milk from the freezer (April, thank you!) and warm it up for her. Jason carries the baby and bottle upstairs while I wrangle the swing (which of course had dead batteries and requried the use of a screwdriver which was pretty complicated in my sleepless state). Jaosn turns on the TV, feeds her the bottle. She falls asleep. I put her down in the swing and she wakes up and starts to fuss. I turn on the swing, turn on the built in white noise machine, turn on the built in vibrating seat and crawl back into bed, praying that this works. She cries a little bit, but you can tell she's sleepy. 10 minutes. We're good. 15 minutes, cautiously optimistic. Finally, I fall asleep and manage to sleep till 6:30. YES.

I don't know what is going on with her. The last two days I've been eating from a bag of salad greens and I'm wondering if its upsetting her stomach in some way. So none of that today. And I'm also wondering if my milk supply is going down because once she had that bottle of breast milk she seemed a lot calmer and not doing the latch on, pull off routine that has been happening the last two nights and driving me nuts.

Listen, here's the truth. I breastfeed because its the healthiest and cheapest option. Its usually the easiest option too. But I don't enjoy it. I know some Moms do, and man, I'm envious. I pretty much tolerate it... its never been a huge bonding thing for me. Some nights, like last night, I felt like if there had been formula in this house I would have given it! I have to admit that this time around (perhaps because I weaned Gwennie just a few months before Elsa arrived) that its much less tolerable. I get irritated with the pinching and the pulling on and off and all the stuff that goes on with nursing.

Anyhoo, I'm not sure where that last paragraph rant came from but it feels good to get it out.

I'm off to tackle my bedroom and get some clothes put away. Child, it is BAD in there. The age old question, "If I have all these clothes, why do I have nothing to wear?" is once again very present. I feel like I wear the same thing practically every day, so why is every piece of clothing un-folded and un-hung and spread across the bedroom?


Becki said...

Hey, don't feel bad about not really enjoying BF. I've heard many, MANY women say that. If you are thinking your milk supply is going down, you could try pumping (do you have a pump?), or try Fenugreek. If you call the BF Center at Evergreen, they can give you the quantities to take. If you want the number, let me know. It works quite well for some women.

April said...

It sounds like someone is having a growth spurt. Hang in there. Maybe offering more during the day will help too? Or cluster feeding at night before bed? I know, easier said that done some days.

She might be getting a tooth or two also.

I have some Fenugreek and Blessed Thistle here you can have if you want to try that. It worked really well for me and the pills will expire before I have a chance to use them again, so if you wwant them, they are yours.

I HATE breastfeeding. I hate it with every fiber of my being, so I completely understand where you are coming from, but hang in there. If I can do it, you can too, your way more commited than I am.

I'm glad you got to have a little break though and the milk came in handy.