So today Gwen had her 4 mo checkup. She weighs 11lbs, 7.5 oz (10%), and is 24 1/2 in long (50%). The doctor is not worried about her being in the 10% because its clear she's active and intelligent. Ethan was always behind on the weight too... Its just how my babies are. She got 4 shots, but was very brave and only cried a little.

Ugh, I had so many things that I wanted to put in the blog tonight, but my brain is so fried I can't remember them. I woke up with a headache and its stayed all day. Very painful.

Tomorrow Mom is coming over to watch the kids while I run to Target in hopes of finding water shoes or at least sandals that we can wear in the water in Chelan. I was foolish and waited until the last minute to find these. Hard to do when nearly everything is switched over to Fall clothing. I'm also going to get my hair cut. It will be a significant cut... about 6 inches off. Two pregnancies has thinned out my hair at the bottom and it looks straggly. I need to clean it up.

I also need to get something done for ME. I have been feeling so... well, I don't know the word. It feels like I'm very one-dimensional I guess. That right now I'm solely defined by my children. Some have said to me that I shouldn't be concerned about how my house looks, or about loosing weight or any of that because all that is important is raising my children. While that is correct in one respect, I don't want to be a MOM only. I want to be KRISTI too. I need a definition beyond the caretaker role. Doing things outside my children gives me a feeling of success and accomplishment that is sometimes lacking in my day to day duties.

I feel a great sense of accomplishment in my children, but I want to feel that way about ME too. That I'm proud of what I'm doing and how I'm looking, outside of my family. I hope that makes sense. Looking down the road 10 years from now, when I'm only defined by my kids is tiring. It makes me weary to think that all I'll be doing or thinking about for a long period of time is housework and kids. That's why I feel like I need to do some stuff for me. Go back to school, loose the weight, cut the hair. My treadmill is coming back into the house (ugly as it is) so I can use it, since I won't be having any big events any time soon at my house. Based on these feelings, I can understand why some women WANT to go back to work after having kids. I still think its best if a parent is home with the kids all the time, but I can understand that desire to have goals outside family, even if they are as simple as getting filing done or something.

Tonight I made steak and spinach. The steak was a flank steak, which I seasoned very heavily with salt and pepper (since most comes off in the pan). I heated up my big cast-iron skillet till it was extremely hot, added some oil, then plopped that steak in there. Didn't touch it or move it for 5 min. It smoked like the dickens, but when I did turn it, it had this beautiful crust on it. I let it sit for another 8 min on the other side (where it smoked even worse) and then let it rest for 10 min. Crusty on the outside, perfectly medium on the inside and very juicy. Its amazing how delicious salt and pepper on meat can taste. Served it with garlicky spinach on the side. My new favorite thing is frozen spinach. So easy to use since there is no washing and drying and chopping. I pressed two large garlic cloves into a pan with oil, heated till hot and garlic slightly brown and then threw in the bag of spinach. Easy, and oh so good.

After dinner, I felt that I needed some chocolate. I'm not huge on chocolate, so when I feel like I need some, I think I have to obey. I made this very simple pudding. Its practically good for you at only 200 cals per serving :) Amazingly, this chocolate pudding seemed to help my headache a wee bit.

If you could, please say a prayer for my old bosses, Rosemary and Ted. They just had their twins on the 20th, at 31 weeks old. The twins, Finn and Catherine, are only 3lbs, 4oz each, and will have a 5-6 week stay in NICU. Please pray that the babies will be ok, and for strength for the parents, and their 2 year old, Ciaran.