Gwen woke up at 4:30 and would not go back to sleep. After trying all different things to get her to sleep, I finally gave up and took her to the living room. I was afraid she'd wake up Ethan if we stayed in the bedroom. So, I tried to get her to sleep on my lap, but she wasn't having it. Out of desperation, I finally put her in the bouncer, turned on Oobi, put the volume on low and I fell asleep. She woke up an hour later and joined me on the couch.

During the whole trying to get her to sleep thing, I was so... so... frustrated and weary. I'm ashamed to admit that I actually yelled at her at one point. Just could not understand why she would not be quiet! All I could think of was that she would wake Ethan and then I'd really not get sleep. Sleep deprivation is so hard for me to deal with.

I posted about this experience on one of the message boards I visit and the very kind women there shared their similar experiences. It got me thinking, if this feeling of being overwhelmed and worn out is so common and disheartening to the Mommy population at large, why were babies designed to do it to us? Are we doing something wrong that our babies wear us out so much, or is that the natural order? If it is the natural way, then what is the purpose? Why did God decide that our little ones have to push us so that we (temporarily) regret having them, and feel so low and depressed? There must be some reason, some purpose that it serves either the child or the mother, but I've yet to figure it out.

It is somewhat reassuring that others feel the same way and go through the same struggles. Its easy to think that you are the only one feeling this way, and that no one has ever ever felt as bad as you do, but its not true. Human emotion is not unique in that someone has always gone through what you're going through, at some point in time. I find that reassuring. That my problems are not so irregular.

Tomorrow Aaron (my 11 yo cousin) is coming over with my Mom to do our yardwork! He's going to be our yardboy :) Mom is going to drop him off, then go to Costco for her eye appointment. I'll show Aaron the ropes, then leave with Gwen (oh, Jenni will be here to watch Ethan) to join Mom at Costco for shopping.